The person accuses me of stealing. How should I react?

My mother-in-law has been telling everyone that I stole her money and jewellery, when in fact she hides them herself and then can't remember. I feel wronged and hurt. How do I react without getting into a conflict?

Being accused of theft, especially by someone you care for so dedicatedly, is deeply unfair and painful. It's important to know: this isn't about you, it's the illness expressing itself.

Why it happens

With memory loss, the person forgets where they put objects and, when they can't find them, they look for an explanation. Accusing those closest to them is a way to make sense of the confusion and the fear of losing control.

Practical strategies

• Don't take the accusation personally; stay calm and don't defend yourself at length.
• Validate the emotion: "I understand you're upset, let's look together."
• Help to find the object instead of arguing whether it was stolen.
• Know their usual hiding places and have duplicates of important items.

What NOT to do

• Don't argue, don't try to prove your innocence, and don't ask them to admit their mistake.
• Don't humiliate them or respond with anger, no matter how hurt you are.

When to seek professional help

If the accusations are intense, frequent, or accompanied by other delusions, speak to your GP or neurologist, as an assessment may be necessary. Also, lean on carer support groups.

"It was incredibly hard for me until I realised it wasn't my mother-in-law speaking, it was the illness. Then it stopped hurting so much." — Anonymous Carer