Disinhibited sexual behaviours: how to deal with dignity?

My father, always so reserved, has started making sexual comments and gestures, sometimes in front of other people. I feel embarrassed and don't know how to react without humiliating him. Is this normal?

This is one of the most difficult topics to discuss, and few carers dare to admit it happens. Feeling shame, shock, or even disgust is a human reaction – don't judge it. And remember: it's not your "real" father doing this, it's the illness.

Why it happens

Dementia can damage the areas of the brain that control inhibition and social behaviour (especially in frontotemporal dementia). The person loses their sense of what is appropriate. Sometimes, gestures like fiddling with trousers are not sexual – they can indicate discomfort, a need to urinate, heat, or tight clothing.

Practical strategies

• React with calmness and neutrality, without dramatising – redirect attention to another activity.
• Check for physical needs: going to the toilet, nappy, uncomfortable clothing.
• Choose comfortable clothing that is difficult to remove when appropriate.
• Discreetly move them to a private space if it happens in public.
• Provide appropriate affectionate contact (hand-holding, hug), as sometimes it's a need for touch.

What NOT to do

• Do not scold, ridicule, or embarrass – it worsens the situation and hurts their dignity.
• Do not interpret everything as sexual without ruling out physical causes.

When to seek professional help

If the behaviour is frequent, directed at children, or difficult to manage, speak to your GP or neurologist – there are approaches that can help. Alzheimer's Society offers confidential support.

"It was incredibly difficult for me, but I realised that often he was just uncomfortable with his nappy. Everything changed." — Anonymous Carer