How to know if it's time for a care home?

I promised my mum I'd never put her in a care home, but I'm not sleeping, she's wandering off, and I'm exhausted. I feel like the worst daughter in the world just for thinking about it. How do I know if it's really time?

The guilt you feel shows the depth of your love, not a failing. Considering a care home when home care is no longer safe or sustainable is an act of responsibility, not abandonment, and deserves to be thought about without self-torment.

Why it happens

As dementia progresses, needs become 24/7 and can exceed what one person, or a family, can provide at home. The promise you made was made with love, but circumstances have changed.

Practical strategies

• Assess safety: wandering, falls, risks with gas or medication.
• Assess your own exhaustion: lack of sleep, declining health, isolation.
• First, consider alternatives: day centre, home support, National Integrated Continuous Care Network (RNCCI).
• Talk to your GP and share the decision with your family, so you don't carry it alone.
• Visit care homes (ERPI) and get information from Social Security and the Social Charter.

What NOT to do

• Do not make the decision at the peak of exhaustion or crisis, if you can avoid it.
• Do not hide it from yourself; delaying due to guilt can worsen risks.

When to seek professional help

If there are repeated safety risks or if your health is deteriorating, contact your GP and Social Security (300 502 502). Alzheimer Portugal and support groups can help you decide with serenity.

"It took me months to accept. Today, she is safe and cared for, and I'm back to being a daughter instead of always being exhausted. I only regret suffering so much alone before." — Anonymous carer