How to talk to someone who no longer understands what I say?

My mother can no longer follow a normal conversation. I talk and she looks at me without understanding, or responds with something nonsensical. I no longer know how to talk to her.

It's one of the most difficult changes to accept: the person is still there, but the conversation as we knew it no longer exists. The good news is that communication doesn't just depend on words — and there's still a lot you can do to connect with your mother.

Why this happens

Dementia affects the ability to process language: understanding long sentences, finding words, following an idea to the end. This doesn't mean the person has stopped feeling or wanting to communicate — it means the "channel" of words is becoming increasingly narrow. Therefore, 93% of human communication is non-verbal (tone of voice, posture, facial expression), and it is precisely this channel that remains more preserved.

Practical strategies

• Approach from the front, never from behind, and enter their visual field before speaking.
• Use short sentences, with only one idea at a time. Avoid questions with multiple options.
• Speak slowly, with a calm and smiling tone — the sound of your voice is more reassuring than the content.
• Allow time for a response. It can take 10 or 20 seconds to process what you've said; don't fill the silence with more questions.
• Replace open-ended questions ("what do you want to do?") with simple choices ("do you want soup or purée?").

What NOT to do

• Do not talk "over" the person with others, as if they were not present.
• Do not infantilise your tone of voice. The person is an adult and feels when they are treated like a child.
• Do not constantly correct errors in words or facts. It increases frustration without helping.

"I learned to look at her hands, her breathing, her face. The conversation we used to have ended, but another began — slower, quieter, but still ours." — Anonymous carer

When to seek professional help

If communication becomes a source of great mutual distress, a speech therapist or a psychologist specialising in dementia can teach techniques adapted to the stage of the illness. It's also worth asking the GP about support in occupational therapy, which greatly works on functional daily communication.