The person I care for says they've eaten, but they haven't. Why?

My mum always insists she's 'already had lunch', even when I know she hasn't eaten anything. I don't know whether to insist and risk an argument, or let it go and she ends up not eating all day.

Hearing "I've already eaten" from someone who clearly hasn't eaten is confusing and frustrating, but it's not a lie or a tantrum — it's almost always memory failing in a very specific and predictable way in dementia.

Why it happens

Recent memory is usually the first to be affected in dementia, meaning the person may genuinely not remember having eaten (or not) a few minutes or hours ago. Furthermore, internal sensations of hunger and fullness can also become altered — the brain stops sending or correctly interpreting the signals that normally tell us it's time to eat. The result is a person convinced they have already eaten, because for them, subjectively, that is true.

Practical strategies

• Do not argue or correct: saying "no, you haven't eaten" only creates confusion and conflict. Instead, redirect: "Let's just have a little more to eat, shall we?"
• Create a fixed schedule: regular and predictable meal and snack times help structure the day, regardless of the person's memory of the previous meal.
• Use visual cues: setting the table or leaving a snack in sight can be a more effective reminder than asking verbally.
• Opt for small, frequent meals: 5 to 6 small meals a day make it easier to ensure the person eats enough, even if they refuse one or two.
• Record what has been eaten: a simple sheet or phone app helps track actual intake, without relying on anyone's memory.
• Eat with the person: seeing another person eat can stimulate appetite and serve as a behavioural cue.

"I no longer ask my mum if she wants to eat. I simply put the plate in front of her and say 'it's ready, let's eat' — it works much better than arguing about whether she's already eaten or not."

What NOT to do

• Do not insist on "proving" that she hasn't eaten — this can cause shame or agitation.
• Do not let entire meals pass just because she said she's eaten; redirect gently.
• Do not rely solely on the person's word for important decisions about medication that needs to be taken with food.

When to seek professional help

If you notice weight loss, signs of dehydration, or if this situation is persistently causing insufficient meals, speak to your GP or a nutritionist. It's also worth documenting food intake for a few days to take to an appointment — it helps to understand if supplements or meal structure need to be adjusted.